eternal sunshine.

I forgot how much I loved this movie until I downloaded and watched it today. I haven't seen it in a year or so but seeing it again reminded me how much i enjoyed it. I think Jim Carrey's character is awesome and it really takes you into his dark little world. I'm not crazy about Kate Winslet's performance or her character because I think at some parts you could see that it was somewhat unnatural for her. Either way its a dark and twisted love story that really makes you think. I also think that the music in it was really cool and fitting, folky-kind of orchestral music that says "i'm loving and unique but I'm not that confident." If you haven't seen it by now, check it out.

winter thoughts.

It's strange how seasons can control your mental state and outlook on life. I feel like every winter I go through a long dark journey where I self reflect and think about everything I can. I learn a lot about myself and the way my brain works, it almost like its out of my control. I feel like a lot of little thing get thrown my way but rarely work out because its part of this journey or this test. The way the snow covers frozen lakes and hangs in trees is so calming and soothing to me and eases my mind into a state that is hard to reach in other seasons. Even the music I listen to changes to match my state of mind. I always end up listening to really dark and ambient indie bands. It's like I'm battling myself to see what I can handle and how I can grow. maybe this sounds insane.


(This picture is of a half frozen river in Peeksill, NY and I took it from the train.)

let it be.

Something I have noticed recently about people I have had conversations with, is that lots of people have this strong desire to control or supervise people they care about. They are so afraid to let go of one another in fear that they might do something hurtful, so instead they try to direct other's behavior. But the way I see it, is it's much more rational and helpful if you simply give no direction at all. Just let the person act naturally and they will show who they truly are, whether it's a good result or a bad result. It's the only way to truly know who someone is, just simply let them be who they are, let them show you. I'm not saying I don't understand why people have trouble doing this or what makes them want to yell or scream (nor do I want to act like I have never done this myself. But it's definitely a better decision just to simply step back and allow the other person to live without you're supervision.)

There is no blueprint to life that you have to follow, and things will eventually work out if you hold up your end. That's how I live my life, I try to make the right decision always even if I know that no one will find out. It's not worth it to me, because if you do something correct 90% of the time, and then falter the last 10%, those 10% will get exposed and erase all of your previous noble actions. The only person you have control of is yourself, so why worry about controlling things that are out of your control? It does not make sense when you think about it, so just try to hold up your end in life and make the right decisions. Nothing can defeat pure good.